My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
