he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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