I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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