I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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