i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
