where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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