I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
