I faked an abortion last night.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
