I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
