My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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