Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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