Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
