bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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