remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
