i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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