i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
