I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
