My friends, they love my intelligence
Can Purell be used as lube?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
