....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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