Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
