why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
