They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
