Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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