I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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