singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
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My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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