I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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