I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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