i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
