I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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