tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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