he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
