I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is my gift to your gina
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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