I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
