I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
