Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
