dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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