i wish my penis had a tongue
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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