I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
