So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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