She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
