New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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