she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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