He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
