Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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