Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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