Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
