Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
