That's intense
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
