I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
