Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
