you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
