i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize