i can't believe i had my finger in that
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
