I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
