The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This baby is an asshole
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
