Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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