Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
