Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
