drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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