If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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