Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
