i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
