my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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