Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
