Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
