Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
