Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
