Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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