I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
