I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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