Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
