now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You ruined the universe
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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