i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
