Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
