hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
