I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
