Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it's like iHOP with fire
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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