In the future we'll all be gay
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
