Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
