woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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