I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
