You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
