people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
