you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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