I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think your dad took our porno
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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