I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
